Sleep...where have you gone?

I need sleep. My body is weary, but my mind -throbbing tho it may be- refuses to comply. Perhaps it's because there is a song or sonnet, a thought or rhyme that is fighting to get out and express itself. So, here I am listening to "Suitcase" by Joe Purdy on a loop and typing in the dark of my once again disheveled bedroom. I'm hoping that some glimmer of genius is begging to be expressed, but I fear it's my brain's relentless thinking and my heart's persistent feeling that have drawn me to this page.
It's a dangerous, somewhat frightening thing to jot down one's thoughts when sleepy and philosophical and immediately post them in the public forum. But I've decided I'm tired of being afraid and just want to write. Write about rotten apples and empty ink cartridges; hostile coworkers and car repairs. Write about whimsical tales that live in the boundless and ever beckoning world of one's own imagination...and sometimes our collective imagination. I am a writer. Whether I'm being paid for my craft or not, it is how I was created and I must not neglect my calling. I feel my brain chuckling at me and my heart wiping a joyful tear as I embrace this destiny. And, now I see that I was being nudged to write my daily musings by a interwoven drive that I cannot deny. I am typing not because of any great truth to reveal or wisdom to impart, but merely to exercise my living. What a gift it is and to write is for me to fully live.
And, while listening to Purdy and other music I discover a recurring theme. Even at work today I was given the same instruction: rest your head on your pillow. My thoughts and concerns have been plaguing me, as have been my complacency. I have been wrapped tight by the worries of my world, but I'm ready to be free.
Freedom comes when I write. And, when I make choices that I have long left undone. It's time to commit and not fear the covenant. Daily, I am fortifying my resolve as I focus on the goals and dreams I've harbored in the secret places of my heart for so very long.
This year, may the Lord permit and bless, I am shedding the pounds that have held me captive to fear and kept me from success. I am going to begin cherishing my health and body. Now. Before the weight is gone. And, I'm accepting my own beauty inside and out.
I'm developing my web series and joining the Screen Actors Guild. I'm going to get started in the world of voice acting, as well. What a dream that has been for me.
I'm getting my writing published. And, the first of my many children's books is just the beginning.
I'm finding a better dwelling. Maybe a house even. A place for me to rest and to work. I need a room for my art, writing...all my liberal arts fallary.
I'm going to go horse back riding and visit Catalina. Road trips and nature are making their way back into my life.
I'm going to finally get a beautiful original tattoo that I am designing.
I'm going to be open and confident about the fact that I'm an actor, writer, singer and artist. And, talented in all of these areas.
I will sing MORE. And, start writing my original songs down and recording them.
I'm also buying a better, more reliable car.
I'm going to forgive more freely.
And, I'm going to maintain my integrity.
Finally, I'm not going to worry if you think I'm pretentious. I am the person I'm meant to be. I'm becoming that person every day a little more, by God's grace I pray.
A long list, eh?
Hmmm....suddenly, sleep seems doable, and necessary. Sleep well my friends. And, may your dreams be a preview of your own blessed future. May we have the wisdom and the vision to become the legends we are intended to be.

I have been in desperate need of an escape. And, lately, none of have quite compared to the amazing day I spent with friends in Santa Barbara. The very long day I spent in Santa Barbara County a few weeks ago was perhaps a completely perfect day. That is, as close to perfection as anything I've experienced for a very long time. However, I also have been in need of a private getaway with me, myself and God.

I've needed to regroup and today I had about 45 minutes of peace amid the glorious chaos of Los Angeles. I love this city so much, but sometimes you need to get quiet, be still or even get moving. In fact, the main requirement is being keeping company with no other humans. So, here is today's remedy for an affliction of runawayitis:

Lunch was approaching and I knew I had my healthy microwavable meal waiting in the freezer. However, I knew I needed to get outside and enjoy the lovely LA spring. So, I ate my minimeal as I worked, then I away I ran! I hopped in the car and just drove - until I found a place I'd never been. Within 10 mins I was in a little neighborhood I'd truly never seen before. I parked, had a little quiet time listening to the birds and breeze outside, read the Bible and then explored the quaint neighborhood on foot. It was short and ever so sweet and it was just the refreshment I needed: a time to clear my head and reconnect spiritually.

Sometimes all we need is a little simplicity and refreshment. That is what I needed and that's what I found.

Late Night Ramblings of an Over-Active Brain

We live. That is, some of us really try to live. Unfortunately, there are those who don’t see the value in savoring every sweet moment possible from this gift. Yesterday, I encountered too many of those who either squander their breath on pettiness and meaninglessness or who compartmentalize their lives into living and surviving. I pity those who exist this way, but I really get ticked when they start infringing on my right to pursue happiness.
People, too many of them it seems, give in to foolishness. I know that sounds harsh but in my experience it is far too often true. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how along this journey the shallow-minded and the mean-spirited cannot be avoided (not often enough, anyway). I know my path is littered with the like. The truth is I like people. I love interacting and socializing with them; learning about them and loving them, but that doesn’t mean they don’t drive me crazy sometimes. Maybe that’s how God feels about us. Not that I’m even close to Him in terms of how I deal with and respond to them. If I were Him, I’m sure I’d be passing down some heavy judgment and embarrassing punishments. Lucky for me…and you, I am a mere mortal.
I suppose the good thing about all of this activity in my life is that it’s propelling me closer to the genuine pursuit of my dreams. And, helping me to determine what it really means to affect a life and change someone for the better. I’m learning that being nice and accepting bad behavior is not what makes me the best human being I can be. Sometimes being the best God intends of me means telling people no, rejecting manipulative alliances and disapproving of damaging behavior.
Witnessing so much unrest: miserable people who by association, intent or even involuntary compulsion are making those around them miserable (cliché as it is, misery doth love companionship); has caused me to take a greater stock of who I am and who I am becoming.
I’ve gone through a lot of phases in the past 31 years – my life thus far – and I’m now at a point where I am secure and confident enough to look at my life with a healthy critical eye. To make a rational and reasonable assessment of who I am without being ridiculously harsh or naively proud. Here is what I’m discovering:
I am a very intelligent person with depressingly underutilized potential.
Although I have found the courage to speak, sometimes it is not prudent to state what I “feel” needs to be said.
Some people find me quite attractive; others think I’m unremarkable. As difficult as it is for me to type, I’ve even been told I’m beautiful. But what really matters is that I appreciate my face and body as unique gifts and treat them accordingly. It’s nice to be told you look like a gorgeous starlet, but in the end I’m happy to look like me and you should be happy to look like you.
Beauty cannot be measured or determined conclusively by anyone.
Value is often the most misunderstood quality.
Finding a kindred spirit and soul friend brings the most indescribable joy to one’s heart! And, what creates this bond is a mystery that births the most indefinable familiarity.
Falling in love can happen in a few days or a few months. It can happen in the most mundane circumstances and unglamorous settings. Staying in love is a bit trickier. You can choose to stay in that love – even amid opposition and stress – with greater ease than falling out of it. Falling out of love requires either neglect or an act of God. If you go with the neglect route, then beware. Suddenly, in the most expected moments that love will pop up and seize your soul. What a funny, unruly thing it is.
Writing is my passion, but not my one and only. Being so passionate about so many things has made life a bit difficult for me. It sounds so smug I suppose, but having so many loves really has made me feel a bit unfaithful. I can honestly say that I burn with fervor for the pen, the song…from writing to performing to all things colorful and artistic I have been a fickle lover. Thus, I have often found myself nearly abstinent altogether! No more! Instead, I shall be a polygamist and romance all my loves with equal ardor!
If someone really upsets you or something is particularly annoying, tell a couple of trusted loved ones about it and then let it go. If it’s criminal or endangers you, tell everyone including the police and an attorney.
Laugh as much as you can without getting fired or committed.
Daydream and fantasize like you did when you were a kid. There’s nothing like it to release stress and reinvigorate your soul with hope except for prayer. The innocent longing and imaginings we experience and exercise as children should never be forgotten. Resurrect your fanciful side!
Sing out loud in the car; at home; outside. Again, like the laughter, use discretion so as to avoid getting fired, committed, or, in this case, disturbing the peace. Whether is opera, pop, heavy metal, just do it!! And, mix it up!
Dance around whenever you can. Lock the doors, kick off your shoes, and wear whatever makes you feel good and free – even if it’s nothing at all – and crank up the tunes. I strongly recommend doing this at least once a week. During that time you are the greatest dancer in the world and the most adoring audience all rolled into one. It is bliss. If this is not possible, lift your arms or roll your neck. Do something that frees you!
Spend time with kids. Whether they are you own, a friends, a relatives, babysitting, whatever, just do this whenever you are able. Hanging out with children who enjoy your company will boost your confidence, warm your heart and bring you joy and levity like nothing else. When I babysit two of my fave kids, they make me feel like the most lovely and beloved princess in the world. Of course, they are two of the most exceptional little girls on the planet, but I’m sure you can find a couple like them.
Own a pet. They will love you in a way that few people allow themselves to love. They will teach you to express affection, accept love, to be vulnerable and to be responsible. Plus, their little warm, furry bodies work better than heating pads.
Have an open-ended ongoing conversation…with God. My best days begin the night before: I fall asleep talking to Him and wake up with the sweetest words of praise, telling Him how much I love and adore Him. These are the most special moments and the only perfect times of my day. I cherish them.

To be continued….