"Resting While Waiting"

I was thumbing threw my old address book tonight, when I was reminded that each alphabetical divider displays a short biblical verse. Twice, I opened my outdated, pastel-colored rolodex; both times coming across the above portion of a Psalm. As I read and reread the text, I couldn't help but think about everything I've been through in the last year and where I am at the current moment.
When I reflect on my life, I recall a series of challenges and trials; some much more difficult than you may imagine, others nothing compared to what you or someone you know may have suffered. However, our pain is still pain; our struggle still a struggle, whether it's a splinter or an axe tearing our tender flesh.
What I am struck by is how very difficult it is to truly experience peace and to actually rest and be patient when we are waiting. Yet, so much of life is waiting.
I realize that it is commonly thought that waiting is somehow wrong, wasteful or detrimental. Sometimes it is. But what about all of the times when it's wise, necessary or unavoidable? Think about it. We wait in line at the post office. We wait at the doctor's office. We wait until graduation. We wait to be served. We wait on others for so many things. There is even a profession called waiting and many people make a very decent living as professional waitresses and waiters. However, our society seems to be too haughty, spoiled and foolish to ever wait on anything.
As a Christian and as a woman who prides herself on having common (and uncommon) sense, I embrace, daily, waiting as an often unavoidable practice. In fact, waiting is very often the wisest thing one can do. Allow me to clarify: not only is waiting an obvious necessity when sitting at a red light or going to the DMV, but it is also a choice. I'd like to also point out that while I understand it's a often a requirement, I also believe it's frequently an option that we carelessly discard.
For example, it's nearing time for dinner and you are already feeling a bit hungry. You have two choices: either go to a fast food restaurant and gorge yourself on over-sized portions of salt, sugar and fat-packed poison, or go home and prepare a fresh, natural, home-cooked meal. Now, as much a I enjoy an occasional fast food burger or taco, we all know that for the well being of our waistline the homemade meal is the obvious choice. And, for those of you who love to cook, you also know that there is a joy and satisfaction in preparing your own delicious meal. It's difficult to describe, but there is a beauty and peace found in the creation of dishes and the subsequent consumption of that food. And, the taste is made even more savory by the delayed gratification.
There's an idea with which our culture seems to be barely acquainted! In fact, you can delay your duties, delay your responsibilities, even delay your development, but delay your wants???!!!! NEVER! It's incredibly disturbing that while people will neglect their bills, their children, their health - to name but a few - they will rarely neglect, delay or deny their wants. From sex to drugs to alcohol to spending to materialism and so on, denying oneself seems to be the least en vogue idea around.
Forget discipline. If you delay something - not a necessity but a mere want - you are causing detriment. It's actually quite ridiculous. In fact, I think it's another reason so many of us struggle with obesity. Although, there are many causes and contributing factors to obesity, it often comes down to people believing they are entitled and should be denied NOTHING. So, if I see a cookie or ice cream, pizza or chips, I should have them. After all, it's wrong to DENY myself.
I'd like to now point out that I DO NOT LIKE WAITING. Nor do I like denying, depriving or delaying my desires in anyway. But I choose to be a grown up and I strive - with God's help - to be a better person with a higher way of thinking; therefore, denying myself or, at the very least "waiting" is a necessary - I would say evil, but, no, I won't say that. I believe waiting can be a great gift from God. And, I openly add that I often fail at achieving this, but we are all works in progression or digression.
In fact, I've seen God use waiting in my own life to bless me in ways that are too numerous to list. I'll share one: I am 32 years old and I am single. I've never been married and I'm currently completely single [romantically speaking]. I've actually been blessed enough to have had a few times when I could have been married; however, rather than settle down with someone I knew wasn't God's best choice for me, I have remained single. If I had not "waited", then I know I would be miserable and have made one of those men miserable, as well. Instead, I live a very full life as a single woman and I believe one day God will bring the right guy along. And, you know what? Even if He doesn't, my life will have been exactly as He perfectly planned for me because I have chosen to wait on Him.
In case you're wondering, waiting on God to bring the right man into my life does not mean I constantly seek dates nor do I sit around watching romantic movies while sobbing and eating chocolate and sweet dairy treats (that was only for a few months several years ago ;). No, waiting on God for me means that I take as many opportunities as I can to experience life and improve myself. I continually and consistently mature, learn, love and LIVE. I travel, try new things, pursue my vocational dreams, create, meet new people, spend time with family and friends, work and seek ways to give to and serve others. (And, I do a good number of things that would prevent me from being canonized. I'm not viceless...yet. :)
You see, waiting has taken on a whole new hue in my eyes. It no longer infuriates me like it once did. Rather than seeing red, I often see a cool blue. My perspective has changed. As I said in the beginning of this piece, this past year left me waiting and wondering if I would ever have relief from some painful issues in my life. The issues involved some other people and their behavior toward me. I had no control over their behavior; only how I allowed it to affect me. In fact, there were times when I felt powerless and trapped. I didn't always handle the situation well and I was suffering because of it.
Then, something amazing happened: God moved. I had been waiting so long for Him to move. He even required of me a certain amount of action and initiative before He revealed to me that He was, indeed, moving in the situation. I guess He was engaging in one of His faith-building exercises with me. Well, let me tell you, when He moved, there was no mistaking it. And, it was AWESOME. I am still a bit in awe of what He as done. And, I know He isn't finished, yet. I also know that the trials of life are far from over and that waiting is, well, waiting for me. We're becoming old friends.
Throughout the waiting, God has taught me a lot and part of what He has taught me is that amid the waiting, I can have His peace. Sometimes, often, in fact, this peace seems irrational, aggravating, irritating, insulting and even absurd. I'd rather be angry and demand a remedy at once. But His ways are so much better. After all, if I didn't suffer through, wait it out and gain some patience, then I wouldn't be any closer to being like Him than before it began. And, that's what I really want. That's where the perfection, the beauty, the success and fulfillment lie: in being conformed to His radiant likeness. I also wouldn't get to experience that "peace that passes all understanding".
It's funny. I'm ravenously curious and I love to learn, but there's something miraculous, dare I say magical, even downright transformational about inexplicable things. Especially, the inexplicable ways, acts and attributes of God. Such is this peace I describe. It defies reality. Everything I see says, "you are fool to have peace, to trust, to be positive," but in those bleak moments of frigid fear and dismay, when the tiny flame of peace begins to flicker, when an ember of joy begin to glow, then, I am encouraged and I boast a smile that enrages the cynic and inspires the faithful. In these moments, I am no longer just a bit of dust. I am a child of light, an heir of God, and my experience transcends the lowly station of mortal.
Yet, the wonder does not end here. No, it is brought to fruition when the waiting is done and dawn breaks on a night of a thousand weary sighs. I open my eyes and cannot believe it, but I am free; free, indeed.
Next time, I pray I do better, listen clearer, trust deeper, rest sooner. And, I shall remember: though the night is deep and there are jackals scratching at my door, there is a Lion sleeping within and He boasts much more than roar. Amen.