I need sleep. My body is weary, but my mind -throbbing tho it may be- refuses to comply. Perhaps it's because there is a song or sonnet, a thought or rhyme that is fighting to get out and express itself. So, here I am listening to "Suitcase" by Joe Purdy on a loop and typing in the dark of my once again disheveled bedroom. I'm hoping that some glimmer of genius is begging to be expressed, but I fear it's my brain's relentless thinking and my heart's persistent feeling that have drawn me to this page.
It's a dangerous, somewhat frightening thing to jot down one's thoughts when sleepy and philosophical and immediately post them in the public forum. But I've decided I'm tired of being afraid and just want to write. Write about rotten apples and empty ink cartridges; hostile coworkers and car repairs. Write about whimsical tales that live in the boundless and ever beckoning world of one's own imagination...and sometimes our collective imagination. I am a writer. Whether I'm being paid for my craft or not, it is how I was created and I must not neglect my calling. I feel my brain chuckling at me and my heart wiping a joyful tear as I embrace this destiny. And, now I see that I was being nudged to write my daily musings by a interwoven drive that I cannot deny. I am typing not because of any great truth to reveal or wisdom to impart, but merely to exercise my living. What a gift it is and to write is for me to fully live.
And, while listening to Purdy and other music I discover a recurring theme. Even at work today I was given the same instruction: rest your head on your pillow. My thoughts and concerns have been plaguing me, as have been my complacency. I have been wrapped tight by the worries of my world, but I'm ready to be free.
Freedom comes when I write. And, when I make choices that I have long left undone. It's time to commit and not fear the covenant. Daily, I am fortifying my resolve as I focus on the goals and dreams I've harbored in the secret places of my heart for so very long.
This year, may the Lord permit and bless, I am shedding the pounds that have held me captive to fear and kept me from success. I am going to begin cherishing my health and body. Now. Before the weight is gone. And, I'm accepting my own beauty inside and out.
I'm developing my web series and joining the Screen Actors Guild. I'm going to get started in the world of voice acting, as well. What a dream that has been for me.
I'm getting my writing published. And, the first of my many children's books is just the beginning.
I'm finding a better dwelling. Maybe a house even. A place for me to rest and to work. I need a room for my art, writing...all my liberal arts fallary.
I'm going to go horse back riding and visit Catalina. Road trips and nature are making their way back into my life.
I'm going to finally get a beautiful original tattoo that I am designing.
I'm going to be open and confident about the fact that I'm an actor, writer, singer and artist. And, talented in all of these areas.
I will sing MORE. And, start writing my original songs down and recording them.
I'm also buying a better, more reliable car.
I'm going to forgive more freely.
And, I'm going to maintain my integrity.
Finally, I'm not going to worry if you think I'm pretentious. I am the person I'm meant to be. I'm becoming that person every day a little more, by God's grace I pray.
A long list, eh?
Hmmm....suddenly, sleep seems doable, and necessary. Sleep well my friends. And, may your dreams be a preview of your own blessed future. May we have the wisdom and the vision to become the legends we are intended to be.
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